We were dating but not sleeping together
Charmingly boyish now seemed plain immature, and enthusiastic was more like hyper.The more time we spent vertical, actually talking, the less I liked him.In either case, we're off balance instead of being in that relationship comfort zone where both parties desire each other in roughly the same way and to the same degree.The longer you wait, Atwood says, the clearer your sense of where you stand with him is, which helps you decide what you want to do next."To him, our relationship was the dumpable kind; for me it was a keeper."Atwood says it's a pattern she sees with many couples.When we rush into bed, she observes, the chances are greater that we find ourselves wanting the man either more, or less, than he wants us.We're talking about an activity that can sometimes lead to irreversible consequences: an STD, a child, life-changing drama (betrayal, restraining orders, etc.).
She'd often slept with guys right away, and the experiences proved to be so-so because "there wasn't that feeling of togetherness."Bonding has awesome benefits, says Laura Berman: "Research shows that the number-one component of women's sexual satisfaction is not orgasm; it's connection to the person they're with." The more connected you feel, the better the sex will be. I already know he's really attracted to me and desires me.Here's where it gets a little psychoanalytic: You might need to trace your sexual story line back to its beginning to figure out what drives your decisions.Mine starts, "Once upon a time, a girl who lacked self-confidence sought male affirmation, and at 15 she impulsively lost her virginity to a guy whom she'd just met and whose name she can no longer remember…." Despite growing older (and, presumably, wiser), I haven't strayed far from that script."Many women act based on who they were rather than who they are now," says New Jersey-based life coach and counselor Jeree Wade.For those like me who would benefit from replacing an outdated sex-life script, Wade advises delaying gratification, a practice she believes is the hallmark of "making sexual decisions that are good for you." The longer you wait, the more information you can gather about a new relationship—how you really feel about him, how he feels about you—the less likely you are to reflexively reenact a past scenario.